


That's How You Know (She's Your Killer Angel)

by DontOffendTheBees



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: (kinda), Awkward Romance, Comfort/Angst, Confessions, Disney Movies, Disney References, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 01:49:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10843983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontOffendTheBees/pseuds/DontOffendTheBees
Summary: 'Ken stared at her, Hercules halfway to the disc drive. “...Bart, have you ever seen… a movie? Any movie?”“I saw those ones. On TV, that time I got stabbed and the universe broke.”“Those were sitcoms and commercials, they weren’t movies.”“Oh,” she shrugged again. “Okay, no, I guess I ain’t never seen a movie.”Ken had to take a moment to process that. He took a deep breath, putting the disc in the drive. “Disney first,” he said under his breath, closing the lid. “One thing at a time.”'Bart and Ken have a cosy night in with Disney movies- needless to say, things get emotional. Or as emotional as you can ever get with Bart.





	That's How You Know (She's Your Killer Angel)

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy- first time posting any Ken and/or Bart, wish me luck! Learning new voices is always tricky, especially when we know next to NOTHING about the characters…
> 
> So this is a prompt fill for tonkshamsandwich on tumblr. The prompt: Bart and Ken watching Disney movies together. Bonus points if Bart cries. Hope I delivered!
> 
> Setting the scene: they've been out and about, Bart's been doing her piranha-in-the-stream-of-creation thing, and now they're winding down in a hotel room for once because Ken's getting backache sleeping in the car and also he wants them to have a nice cosy movie night. What could go wrong?
> 
> Enjoy!

“I just can’t believe you’ve never seen a Disney movie!” Ken exclaimed, flipping through the pile of DVDs on the bed. He didn’t _condone_ stealing, but Bart had been shooting up the store anyway, and he couldn’t just… _let_ her keep living her life without any Disney. Right? No, he _definitely_ had the moral high ground here.

Bart shrugged, flopping back on the bed. “I don’t gotta kill the people in the movies. All this… watchin’ stuff just distracts you from where you gotta be.”

Ken stared at her, _Hercules_ halfway to the disc drive. “...Bart, have you ever seen… a movie? _Any_ movie?”

“I saw those ones. On TV, that time I got stabbed and the universe broke.”

“Those were sitcoms and commercials, they weren’t movies.”

“Oh,” she shrugged again. “Okay, no, I guess I ain’t never seen a movie.”

Ken had to take a moment to process that. He took a deep breath, putting the disc in the drive. “Disney first,” he said under his breath, closing the lid. “One thing at a time.”

He got settled in on the bed next to Bart, perching the laptop at the end and then fluffing up some pillows to lean against. Bart watched him curiously, and gave her own pillows a few slightly aggressive punches. He bit his lip to keep from laughing.

When the movie started, he couldn’t help singing along under his breath. Bart whipped her head round to look at him, eyes wide. “Wait- there’s _songs_ in this?”

“Yeah, there’s songs in a lot of them.”

She was grinning like an excited kid. “And you- you know these songs, too?”

He was grinning almost as wide as her, now. “Yeah, in this movie. It’s one of my favourites.”

“Sing!” she demanded, punching his arm- she was getting a little less violent with the arm-punches, now. “Sing the song!”

There really wasn’t any need to tell him twice.

 

* * *

“No, see, it’s- it’s funny because you’re not supposed to use a fork for that.”

“...Why not?”

“Why aren’t you supposed to use _forks_ to comb your hair?”

“It’s got the pointy things. It works.”

“...Well, yeah, but… it’s not what they’re for.”

“Stuff can be two things.”

“Okay. Can’t argue with that logic.”

 

* * *

“Why are they eating from the same bowl?”

It was the first time she’d talked in ages- Ken took a moment to catch up to the question. “Uh… well, they _are_ dogs. The owner’s being pretty nice just giving them food in the first place.”

Bart grunted, scooping another enormous mouthful of noodles into her mouth. Ken smiled, turning his attention back to the screen. It was the most iconic part- the music was playing, the moon was bright, they were eating from the same bowl and _ooh,_ there it was, they were eating the same piece of spaghetti and their mouths were about to- _there_ it was. The accidental kiss. He chuckled warmly.

He laughed harder when he saw Bart turn from the screen, squint at him suspiciously, and protectively hold her own food to her chest.

 

* * *

“What’s she doin’?”

“Well, her dad’s hurt, so he can’t fight- she’s gonna take his place.”

“Why’d she cut her hair?”

“To look like a guy.”

“...Why?”

“They didn’t- don’t?- er, they didn’t let women fight in wars. Lots of places like that.”

“That’s dumb. Why’d they do that?”

“I guess they figure women should be at home with the kids.”

“But she don’t got kids!”

“Well, she’s still a girl. They think she’s not tough.”

“That’s stupid!”

“Yeah, that’s, like… the point of the movie.”

“...Oh.”

“...”

“I’m tough.”

“Yeah, Bart, I know.”

“I could squish you with my armpit.”

“Yeah, Bart, I’m sure you- _woah, okay, you don’t need to prove it-!”_

 

* * *

“I don’t get it,” Bart frowned, squinting at the screen.

“Okay, we are _so_ taking you to an arcade while we’re in town,” Ken said, exasperated. Explaining video games to a thirty-two year old woman who’d never seen a movie was one thing. Explaining why said video game characters had _souls_ in a movie was another. “Look, just… treat ‘em like they’re normal characters, okay? Ignore the technical stuff for now.”

She grunted. “I still don’t get it.”

“What don’t you get?”

She shrugged. “I don’t get why he’s so sad,” she said, nodding to the screen, where Ralph was drowning his sorrows at Tappers.

“Because he’s the bad guy- he doesn’t wanna be the bad guy anymore.”

“So he’s the bad guy- big deal,” she hugged her knees, resting her chin on them. Her face was slack with that look of resignation she got sometimes, on the days when she killed like it was just to pay the bills. “S’not so bad… being the bad guy.”

Ken didn’t quite know how to answer that.

 

* * *

“Wait, so… these guys, these monster guys… they get paid to make people scream?”

“Yeah.”

“What the hell? I do that all the time for free!”

 

* * *

Ken liked to think he had good taste in Disney movies, so he tried to pick the best intro ones for Bart. Less than two minutes in, he already knew he made the right decision with _Lilo and Stitch._

She cackled throughout the jailbreak, cheered when Lilo bit Myrtle, and generally got super happy and excited whenever Stitch was on screen doing his cutely destructive thing.

_“But if you wanna leave, you can.”_

It wasn’t until much later in the movie that Ken realized he may have made a mistake.

_“I’ll remember you though,” Lilo said, watching Stitch slip out the window and into the night. “I remember everyone that leaves…”_

Bart had gone real quiet.

_Stitch wandered through the woods, clutching the book. He set it down, opening it. The Ugly Duckling on the page cried, lost and alone and unwanted. “I’m…” Stitch rasped, forcing his voice around the unfamiliar vowels. “Lost…”_

He looked over at Bart. He couldn’t see her face behind her messy pigtails.

_Stitch turned his gaze forlornly to the sky. “I’m lost…”_

“Bart? You okay?”

She sniffed. “Yeah,” she mumbled, voice suspiciously thick.

He leaned over a little, craning his neck to see her face. “You sure?”

Her cheeks were red, mouth pulled into a tight line. Fat tears were rolling down her face. “Yeah,” she said again, even less convincingly.

Ken wasn’t sure what to do. Bart didn’t really do physical contact, unless she initiated it. “Hey,” he said softly, patting the blanket by her knee instead. “It’s gonna be fine.”

She looked up at him, sniffing again. “It wasn’t his fault,” she said, sounding rough. “He-he wasn’t tryna break nothin’, this time.”

“No,” Ken agreed quietly, looking between her and the screen. He laid his hand palm-up on the spread between them. “He wasn’t.”

She didn’t take his hand.

But she did tangle her fingers in his sleeve- and she didn’t let go until the credits rolled.

 

* * *

Needless to say, he picked something happier next time.

 _“That’s how you knooooooooooooow!”_ he sang, Bart laughing hysterically the way she always did when he knew the lyrics to stuff. _“He’s yoooooouuuuuuuuuurs!”_

She laughed and snorted and clapped delightedly through the entire song, sometimes trying to contribute her own gravelly voice to the chorus. He loved it when she did that. She looked so… innocent. Bright and happy and unburdened- even with blood in her hair. She should really take a shower.

It took her a few minutes to settle down after the song, but when she did she watched the screen thoughtfully, like something had just occurred to her. “Hey, Ken?”

“Yeah?”

She looked at him, brow furrowed. “Is- Is that _really_ how you know?”

He blinked. “What? Know what?”

“Y’know, that you’re…” she grunted and made a vague gesture with her hands that didn’t really seem to translate to anything. “Y’know. With another person. Flowers and dancing and crap.”

“Oh,” Ken said, eyes widening. _“Oh._ Uh, well, I guess… I guess there’s lots of ways you can, uh,  _know._ Doesn’t have to be… ‘flowers and dancing and crap’.”

“How do _you_ know?” she said, meeting his gaze with curiosity. “When it happens to you?”

He shrugged. “I’m… not sure,” he suddenly felt nervous. “I’ve never really, uh, _known_ with anyone…” his heart was in his throat. “Before.”

She looked confused. _“Before?_ Whaddaya me-?” understanding dawned, her eyes went wide. _“Oh.”_

For a moment the only sounds were the TV and cars outside on the street, and Ken internally panicked. But then something crazy happened.

Bart blushed.

“Bart?” he said quietly, mesmerised by the colour in her cheeks. Closest he’d ever seen her come to red faced was when she got blood on it.

She snapped her gaping mouth shut and averted her eyes, fiddling with her loose sleeves and grunting. Ken sighed and sat back. Looked like the moment was over.

Then he felt her grab his arm. He nearly jumped out of his skin- Bart didn’t usually grab people unless she was about to throw them off of something. But she just lifted it, scooted herself into the space beneath it, and dropped it over her shoulders.

She didn’t look at him, and he didn’t try to make her.

If she looked at him, she’d see the huge embarrassing goofy smile on his face, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Ta-dah! Hope they sounded like themselves ^_^


End file.
